We got off the plane and onto this very nice bus...

Subject: (optional)

2004-05-25T09:58:59Z

SO I watched matrix 3 today... yeah i know. But I did get one thing out of it. It was a part of a little monologue towards the end. This monologue pertained to words.

Words don't mean anything. (let me finish) I am more focusing on the words fear, embarassment, rejection, falure, humiliation, etc. THEY ARE JUST WORDS. Who has the definition to these words? You do, I do, everybody does. They all might be different, but we each have one. And it is based on your definition of this word and where this word applies to in society. But inevitably it is yours! Always start from yourself. Who cares what other people think (let me finish please) Let them try and embarass you or actually I should be saying me. Let them laugh at me when I made a mistake. Let them think that I am a failure when I get rejected. Let them think whatever they want to think because I don't care! They are just words! I know my capabilities more than any one else knows mine? right? That would mean that I am not afraid anymore right?...well I'm still working on that, but I am better off than the average joe.

This all is up to you though. It starts with you, but it can involve other people. Words mean something to you like for instance love. when this word is introduced it is not the word "love" you are fighting for, it is the connection you have with that other person that you want, desire, etc. Once you involve yourself with another life, you start caring for not just yourself but the other person as well. Now you can't be fearless because now you have something to lose...that connection. Before, you had nothing to lose because it is all in your head. Now its different, but you can choose to not care and stay fearless... but you would be missing out on a whole lot more of life!!!!

But why are you fearless in the first place? The words dont mean anything and fear is nothing but its something else as well. You are going to die! That will be it. You dont know if there is an after life. you dont know jack about death.
SO...
Dashboard Confessional - A mark, A mission, A brand, A scar - Am I missing
Is there anything worth looking for?
Worth loving for? Worth lying for?
Is there anything worth waiting for?
Worth living for? Worth dying for?
YES!YES!YES! <---- I realized this thanks to one of my best friends Travis!

Your entire life is meaningful because of what you do between being born and dying. In the end we are all dead! Make the most of it! So I realized there is nothing to be afraid of. I'll keep that in mind and try and work on it.

- Matt Guerra

GJIBLADUOGnikg

2004-05-21T07:58:15Z

So I'm at Jeremy's house/ Kevin/Daves house we played b-ball. I was tired. I drank Im not drunk but a bit buzzed.... thats about it I really dont want to write anythign in this journal. its i sbetter to write in a regular journal with a PEN. to yourself like i do in this journal... yeah well everybody writes random stuff in LJ.
1 re471z30 s00m37h1 fuck 1337 I cant write in it. 0u7 0f p14c3

carebutdontcare @ 2004-05-15T17:26:00

2004-05-16T00:27:22Z

"Fire-pixies raped me!" - ET

Quote of the day

2004-05-11T05:52:37Z

" *Uhhh*...I think you just popped me" - SD

Witnesses include: Justin Abarca, Rick Tabor, and Matt Guerra

Journal

2004-05-11T05:50:42Z

Isn't that what a journal is for? Talking to yourself? Kinda. That's what I use it for.
I was at school today on my "lunch" break at 2 o'clock and I am out of my mind because I'm sick and found space is...you all know about this and my sickness so i wont explain. But anyway I was wondering about all these people living out their lives and having no idea about every life around them. It was MIND BOGGLING. I couldn't even fathom all or even one of their lives. And we all goto Cal POly Pomona and we will never cross paths, most of us. WE will see eachother in some classes, at lunch, walking around but once again you have no idea what they are thinking. As my mind tried to wrap around that idea, Kevin (Gonzales) and myself went to Round table instead. WE got our food and we went outside because it was a nice day. This fucking Asian gangster wannabe guy (fade up both sides and slicked back to a spike up(hair that is)) is fucking yelling at this chick sitting down. They stop for a bit for us to pass. we go sit down and he continues to yell at her. Kevin was listening and I was trying my best to listen but im deaf and he said that it was an argument on who piad the bill at some time or another. Evidently the chick paid and she "embarassed" him or some shit. WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THAT! I was so pissed off. If he slapped her or hit her I would have fucking kicked his ass. She was crying at this point. She got up and started to leave and he grabbed her and I was like this is it. Mind you Kevin and I seemed to be the only ones paying attention. I was ready to jump out of the chair and beat his ass! BUT NOooo!! he didnt touch her. Don't get me wrong I'm glad that he didn't. at least he's not as much of a dick as we thought. But pretty much a big asshole. We were wondering if we should follow her and make sure that she doesnt get hurt. Keving was kinda kidding but i was serious. "SO that's what girls go for!" *laughing* *HA*HA*
Well we peered into that girls life today and i know a little more than i knew before. Also nobody pays attention to their surroundings any more. It's not my problem they say. I say Fuck that! Life is awesome!

the day

2004-05-10T07:32:29Z

or yesterday to be exact. Im still kinda sick. like a stomach flu or something. I dunno. But any way finished Bob's essay!!!!!!!! Covered too many points but oh well. crazy friend tests i tell ya... maybe I should make one? SHould I ? Ireally dont like tests but i take them anyway. But it looks fun. Who the fuck are you trying to convince here matt?!?!?

WTF

2004-05-06T05:34:33Z

Dammit my last LJ didnt go through. And all that work _fuckhead_. Shit now its gone. Well It had something to do with the heat and shit. well then. yeha. Found space finally got to me. I'm tired. fine line between sanity and insanity. I have movement tomorrow. yay! its not so bad. I just dont like that "stuff" you know: "Imagine your pain as a white ball of healing light" And now you are an animal. yeah screw that.

0101 l337

2004-05-05T08:12:05Z

I'm so tired. But I say that all the time. I guess im used to it. I'll sleep when I die; I will just go to sleep in a little while. Maybe I shouldn't have gone to the driving range with Jensen and Rick. But it was fun. Even though I don't know how to golf, it was still fun. Yeah that's right im writing in this thing. I wouldn't be up this late if it wasnt for the stupid group work for 20th century. I dont even care what we had for history. I can't wait till MUD is over. It needs work.

*Note to self look over notes for MUD and Reborn, then go to sleep*

OK, Agreed.

Quote of the day

2004-04-01T01:04:54Z

"One of the most tragic things I know about
human nature is that all of us tend to put
off living. We are all dreaming of some
magical rose garden over the horizon -
instead of enjoying the roses that are
blooming outside our windows today."

Dale Carnegie

carebutdontcare @ 2004-03-28T21:11:00

2004-03-29T05:45:59Z

So my co-worker is telling me about his St. Patricks day was. His plan was to take some mushrooms and then go to see the Passion... yeah he didn't make it to the movie. They were so messed up they didn't get out of the house. I mean just imagine seeing that movie on anything! especially acid. Screw that.
Kalman's birthday party is April 10th! Yay! Party!
Oh... people liked the quote? K.

Quote of the day, month, year, lifetime

2004-03-26T23:42:45Z

The hardest part isn't trying to find yourself, It's accepting who you are.

Harry Potter

2004-03-25T00:23:39Z

I'm at the part where they got split up in the different houses by the sorting hat.

carebutdontcare @ 2004-03-24T16:05:00

2004-03-25T00:17:11Z

My dad wants me to find all of my receipts from paris. I don't know where they are.Is it a tax write off for my dad? Where's my money! can i get money from that?

More Finals

2004-03-16T02:07:24Z

I shot one down BANG BANG. One more left. Screw theatre history final. Another F in the bank. Booya! Not really. Because I'm a POET! I'm sorry. I'm so proud and kinda disturbed that I got an A. Because I was thinking to myself, "Wouldn't it be great if I got an 'A'?" And I did. Weird things happen to me like that. Like I will them to be.
One more, sex class. While I was waiting for people to get out of the Physics final I continued reading Harry Potter number uno. I got to page ummm let me see... hold up... page 29 where the snake was talking to him and left for Brazil, after the glass "magically" disappeared.
Anywho got to eat dinner.

carebutdontcare @ 2004-03-14T18:36:00

2004-03-15T02:36:29Z

Payment Confirmation

Thank you for using Online Customer Service. Your transaction has been approved and your credit or debit card has been charged $169.32. Please allow up to 24 hours for your account to be updated. This is your authorization number to reference if speaking to your bank about this transaction.
Authorization Number: 018264
Print

Finals

2004-03-15T02:36:10Z

Fuck finals. Study? Maybe... yeah I will. Stupid history. I didn't even get to present my awesome presentation that I actually did on the Poor of new York. I'll probably turn it in anyway. Hopefully that will help my grade.

Last Samurai = good
Super bed = Tempurpedic

FRID

2004-03-10T07:47:36Z

Does anybody know people that could get a fake real ID?

NFG

2004-03-10T07:45:23Z

What is NFG??? How dare you ask that?!?!? just kidding

Mark Raymond Velarde's recital

2004-02-28T02:40:21Z

As Nathan, Joe, Ashley, Justin, Liz and myself were sitting in the front row, this guy behind me starts talking shit about Mark about how he can't stand to hear him blahb ahbllbahblhablha. So I turn around and ask him does this guy suck? he said yeah he blahblahblhballbh I asked what are you doing here then. He gave me some bullshit answer about someone a guy or a girl I asked. He said well lets just say a girl. I said you dont seem so sure about that. What? is he gay or what? -NO im here for a girl. -Oh (pause- I turn away) Then I turn back and say because you can leave, you dont have to be here. - No im supporting this girl. blahlblalh -OH so you can sit there and stand it for a while longer? - yeah - are you sure? -yeah im sure - ok then. (silence)
(later- at the reception) This guy is taller and bigger than me. Big tall African American man. I didnt realize that. I think to myself-"hmmm" Oh well I've got friends that can back me up if shit starts like Nathan joe and...justin. He comes up to me and Apologizes to me and said that was uncalled for or some shit. I say - I mean your in a gigantic auditorium full of people that came to see Mark perform and you say that stuff. - yeah well ok he may be a good Baritone but he he not a tenor -I say yeah well I dont care what you think. You just dont do that stuff. (extend hand I shake his hand) but you know dont worry about it ok? dont worry about it. (I walk away).

I haven't felt that good and scared in a while! It was so cool to stand up for friends. Because if you fuck with Mark you fuck with me. Or any friend for that matter. I now want to help people maybe I'll become a doctor. People are fucking awesome...well most people. I like helping people but i was going to go into HRT. thats mostly serving people but kinda helping people. or a paramedic that would be cool or a tow truck driver...they help people lol. yeah I dont really comment on things.

SUPER BED

2004-02-28T02:25:21Z

Best bed ever! I have found my calling in life, sleep on my bed! Now if I only had my pillow. stupid UPS. Where's my fucking pillow!

...

2004-02-14T19:28:03Z

Why do I have to care?...
Why do I not care?...
Apathy is setting in...
I hope it doesn't stay...
Worst case senario...
I don't care at all...

Update

2004-02-12T08:00:51Z

There ya go. There's an update.

One Of Many Stories

2004-02-12T07:44:23Z

Venice. Italians: They have a good attitude but some of them are rude.
Went to this stupid disco tech place where there was nobody there. Except a bunch of sailors and Benjamin. Benjamin was this middle aged guy who was probably having a mid-life crisis traveling around europe and cheating on his wife and girlfriend. SO Benjamin was bugging Jomana earlier and he was at the club. THis guy totally wants Jomana. He was inebrieated at the beginning and toatally gone at the end. I had to pretend to be Jomana's boyfriend. But he persisted. Mind you he has a family and maybe more than one girlfriend. He says he is a jeweler I mean diamond improter. Cartier and rolex. he says he is rich blah blah blah. Then these sailors were there and of course the chicks wanted them do dance. So a little drunk as I am, I'm encouraging them to dance with my friends. They are all fucking pussies except for a couple maybe 2 or 3. Fucking greek navy pussies. And the only ones that were dancing were the horny dogs. I could have taken some of them but not all of them... I quickly made friends with them. As I am doing this I am going back and forth to Jomana and dancing with everybody. Benjamin come back. So I decided to fucking go get a girl to dance with him. I ask this chick to go and dance with him. She says sorry. I'm like aww fuck. Couple minutes later I'm dancing with another girl telling her my story and how I dont even know this guy. We are dancing and talking then we go get drinks. She has a boyfriend. I dont care. We get vodka shots with ice because before this................. We were at this Irish pub where I had a fucking warm almost hot vodka shot! I almost threw up half way through. I needed a moment. Maybe more than a moment. Tokie and I walked around and thats where she saw all the sailors because we were going to dance it off... And now we come back to the story. We had the shots then we left without paying. Yeah! Turns out she is a porn star well at least when I tell the story to my friends she will be. Well she said sex movies or something like that. She knows 5 languages. Damn smart for a "sex movie" actor. Turns out the boyfriend was there, american. but hes cool as shit. Benjamin comes back. Fucking Benjamin!!! He showes us his family pictures and girlfriend or something. I finally get him to leave with the help of some gentlemen that forcibly make him leave. Of course all this time I'm making a fist near my crotch so that if he decides to hit me, it wont be there. then we leave.
3 guys walking our way. Evidently the same guys that were flirting with everyone before. they were drunk, tried to grab my friends except for me of course. So I pull them off. Then I got mad. I tried be nice at first then all of a sudden I got mad. I dont know why. Maybe because i wanted to fight. anywho I turn around and start yelling at them. But rye kept pushing me away. alright alright no fighting i say. So we walk like retards to the train station and not our hotel. SO we have to go back the way we came but only after tokie and rye pick up bottles off the street so we could go back and kick their asses. We walked back and saw our good ole buddy Benjamin. He was trying to talk to us but we iggnored him, laughed and kept walking. For some odd reason there was this crowd of people coming our way so we mingled in with them and passed the guys. We didnt realize that our hotel was 17 steps away from the club so we had to stay there and call the guy to let us in. So we had to stay there for a bit but nothing happened.
Quote of the day: "It's amazing how one purse can make you so happy" - Jomana.

carebutdontcare @ 2004-02-05T23:43:00

2004-02-06T07:55:33Z

You know Travis I think that... well I have another idea or theory that holds true in my mind about your situation. But of course I will not discuss it here.
But anyway I didn't go to voice today neither did anybody else except for like 3 people. What else am I supposed to write on here?

club

2004-02-06T07:42:31Z

WARNING: If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word
you read of this useless fine print is another second of your life. Don't
you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't
think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with
authority that you give respect and credence to all who claim it? Do you
think everything you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told you should
want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop
excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove
you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic.
You have been warned......Tyler